Crickets and Crime Scenes

Today I found out that my apartment is very easy to break into. Why would I know this? Well because I had to climb through my window- that’s why!

The first thing I learned about our new apartment is that we are currently at war with the crickets. If you’ve never had to fight with them you probably have never had an experience like this. They’re not sneaky like cockroaches, and not as gross as flies. But by jove are they annoying! They’ll just creak and chirp all night and day. I have a feeling that God Himself regrets making such an unnerving, shrill sound come out of them.

I did not ask for this war and, unfortunately, it looks like I’m losing. I had about six hours of disturbed sleep last night as there were multiple armies of black hoppers creating a sonata in my window. Yes you heard me right- IN the window. I couldn’t see them, I couldn’t chase them away, but I could hear them. All. Night. Long.

Today when I got back from work (YAY first day! You’ll hear about it later c:) I decided to do something about it. Not thinking, I unlatched the window and pulled it up. I instantly regretted this as a horde of crickets jumped from where they were trapped between the screen and the glass. My bed is under the window and they have now taken shelter under it. I highly doubt that they will be coming out without a fight.

After shutting the window and running around my apartment freaking out, I grabbed my duct tape and my handy dandy hammer/screwdriver and trudged around my building to see if I could figure out a way to tape up the screen, as to not have a repeat of last night. When I got there I could definitely see where they were coming in. At some point some idiot had busted the screen out and the building had not bought a new one.

It’s bend and doesn’t fit the frame correctly, allowing the 142nd platoon of nightly nuisances crawl in and chirp their way into my dreams.

Well that’s not happening again. I duct taped the whole thing shut and went back into my room to try and chase the invaders out from under my bed.

A while later (and as I sat still unsuccessful in my debugging) I heard the dratted chirping coming from the window again!

Knowing that it was now or never I gathered my courage, armed myself for the fight and  marched toward the battlefield. I pulled off the duct tape, popped off the screen with the screw driver and searched for the ninjas of the bug world.

But as you can guess- they were nowhere to be found. I dug around for a while with the screwdriver, but no bugs fell from the side. Finally I realized that they weren’t just behind the screen they were IN THE WALLS...

I grabbed the screwdriver and peeled up my window, immediately finding the rest of the forces hiding the metal lining. It took about ten minutes (and a few curse words that I won’t repeat here) but I finally had them all out of the window. Now mind you, they hadn’t jumped towards the outside- they were now inside my bedroom... of course.

But at this point it didn’t matter. All I wanted to do was patch up the stupid screen, go inside and pretend that the last hour hadn’t happened ( I would deal with the cricket camp under my bed later).

The only problem? When I walked up to my door and turned the handle I was locked out. Now, I share an apartment with Shelbey and I should have remembered that she takes a night class on tuesday, but as a weary warrior I wasn’t thinking clearly and had neglected to take my phone or my keys out to the final battle.

This meant that I was now locked out of my apartment and my car and would be waiting for my roommate who may very well have been out for a few hours. Well that just wasn’t going to happen.

One thing about me- I am a hot head. It’s mostly the little things that set me off. The bugs- annoying. The window- pretty disgusting. But being locked out of my apartment- OH HECK TO THE NO!

I grabbed up my broom and my tape and my screwdriver/hammer and I hissy fitted my way back around to my window. I ripped off that duct tape. I pulled off that screen. I jammed my screwdriver under the window and pulled it open. I then proceeded to pause just enough to look around cheerfully so the neighbors wouldn’t think I was breaking into to someone else’s apartment and pulled myself in.

I now know that the only thing keeping me from being robbed is a flat head screwdriver. That’s literally all you need to get into my room...

The crickets are still taking refuge under my bed, my roommate is still in class, I have homework to do already, but all I really want to do is go to walmart.

Shopping list:
Bricks or Window Lock

Mace

Maybe a Gun?_

A Porcupine_

... or a polarbear_